Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Dear J,

The first time I met you, I was impressed by you and all the things you’ve done. In fact, I was so bowled over that I committed myself to a relationship with you. I thought that everything you did was so awesome and made so much sense. My admiration for you deepened all the more as I read your love letters.

I enjoyed the relationship I had with you—more so because of the many things you did for me, and the words you whispered to me.

The problem was, you were more committed to the relationship than I was. I wanted to have "more" than what you gave me. Now as I look back I realized that what I wanted to explore and enjoy outside my relationship with you turned out to be a poor substitute of what you offered me. I was like a child enjoying the muddy shore when I could be enjoying the cool inviting waters just a few steps away. How stupid of me.

As I hurt you again and again with my betrayals, your love never wavered. You waited for me, hushed me and comforted me when I come running back into your arms, crying from self-inflicted wounds.

I often wonder how you could love me so. Why don’t you just give up on this relationship? How could you continue to help me, put your hopes in me, trust me to be faithful to you when I have betrayed you again and again? How can your love be so strong, so tenacious?

But even as I struggle to be faithful to you, even as I fail at times, even as I get back up again and continue returning your awesome love with my own feeble and sorry version, I see myself change. I see how your love has subtly empowered me, cleansed me, healed me and helped me to go on.

There are still times I wonder if I should just let go of this relationship. I am no good for you…I have hurt you too much and loved you too little. But whenever I feel guilt prying my fingers from holding onto yours, I find myself unable, nay, unwilling to let go. Who can take your place? I have no one else if I do not have you.

And so I cling on to you, especially in moments when I feel like giving up and letting go, I cling on. I cling on to you, your whispers of love, your promises and your strength.

Thank you, Beloved, that one day there will be no more guilt, no more hurts, no more betrayals. One day I can love you back with that perfect love you so deserve.

Basking in your love,
G.

16 comments:

Mon said...

hmmm, ilang balik na ko dito, it looks like parang kay J ang post na ito. Not sure kung pwedeng mag comment. testing testing wan tu t...

Gypsy said...

Okey lang, hehe. Holy Week na kasi, naalala ko lang labs in Jesus. ;)

Swipe said...

Heartfelt prayer. whoa! Strong dizzying effect. no kidding.

Gypsy said...

Swipe, so true actually, thinking about His love makes my head spin. :) Have a blessed Holy Week--that is, if its observed there?

Gypsy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
snglguy said...

So typical of our relationship with HIM. We always take and give back so little...

melai said...

ang slow ko..kundi ko pa binasa ang comment hindi ko pa maiintindihan kung sino s J. GOD BLESS YOU G, tis the time to be jolly because he sacrificed her life for you..wag ka ng malungkot! He wants u to be happy..all of US :)

sillyserious said...

rest in the relentless lover's love, gypsy :) have a meaningful holy week.

sexy mom said...

same here, para akong si melai...anyway, His love is limitless...knows no boundaries...only HE can love that way...i need to keep copy of this letter...nay, prayer pala!

happy easter...

Gypsy said...

Snglguy, so true! It's good thing for all of us He is a gracious Lord.

Melai, amen ako dyan! Have a blessed Holy Week to you.

Aleks, you too! Galing ni Jesus, no? :)

Sexy Mom, feel free to copy! I hope it blesses others as well. Happy Easter to you too.

melai said...

Have a Blessed Holyweek to you too :)

dimaks said...

The good thing is HE never runs out of love because HE is beyond limits.

GOD Bless!

M I C H E L L E said...

Even if we have lots of shortcoming still J never leave us... A blessed holy week to you :)

vernaloo said...

Have a blessed Holy Week my friend :) very nice letter...I don't think I can come up with something like that..hanggang "sorry po talaga..." lang ata ako hehe

toe said...

Hehe... pareho kami ni Melai at Sexy Mom... slow din ako. :)

Have a blessed Easter Gypsy! May more people bask in J's love as you do.

annamanila said...

And I thought you had a perfect boyfriend ... Joshua, Jerry or something! Bagal ng pick up ko. Duh me.

Eh paano yun, akin din si J. He's got a big heart for all of us ano? Hindi tayo kailangan magsabunutan. haha.

I love your letter -- great style, lyrical prose. I could have been fooled.