Monday, February 18, 2008

Can Hardly Wait

Outside the sun shines in all its brilliant glory. The gigantic plane tree is still naked—barely a leaf to cover its many scrawny arms and fingers. But under its stark monstrosity, a carpet of lavender flowers is slowly unfurling, spreading out and overtaking the green grass that had held on to its vibrance through the winter months.

And its just mid February. It seems like spring can hardly wait to come in and shoo the bitterness of winter away.

And I can hardly wait to go out and enjoy the brilliant weather outside, especially knowing how the warmth of the sun has taken the edge of the winter chill that still lingers—hopefully not too long now.

Can hardly wait. How impatient I sound! But these days, I find myself not being able to say, “I can hardly wait to go home.” A few months ago, that would have been so easy to blurt out and mean it. But with friendships formed, life settling into a comfortable, predictable pattern with splashes of spontaneity, the strange has become the familiar—and I find myself singing a different tune.

But then again, as I remember the warmth of the weather back home, the good friends back home, the food back home, the work/lifestyle I enjoy so much back home, I find I can actually say, I can hardly wait.

There are still a number of months before I finally go home but my feelings are as ambiguous and unpredictable as the English weather—now dark and damp, now bright and dry, now sunny and foggy.

If life can simply be like neat little compartments, things would be less ambiguous, less complicated, less of a hassle…and then again, less of a life.

Oh well, I can hardly wait---for life to continue its unfolding. Ambiguity can be the spice of life.

13 comments:

vernaloo said...

"If life can simply be like neat little compartments, things would be less ambiguous, less complicated, less of a hassle…and then again, less of a life"

I love this line Mare...swak na swak. So true...if everything in life is fine and dandy, I think it would also be, you know, boring.

Enjoy every moment there...home will always be here no matter where you go and no matter when you're gonna come back. But yeah, don't stay away too long hehe =)

Toe said...

Ooooh... spring... it must be so beautiful there now.

I think we're in the same situation... I'm going home this year too and I have mixed feelings about it.

Wil said...

Oh, I feel the same way about living in two worlds. There's good in both worlds. Most of my immediately family have already settled in the US. But I also have relatives still in Pinas. It's tough to live in just one or to have to choose between the two.... for me, anyway.

Beng said...

Nice pic and post! And i totally agree with you and share your sentiment. Wish you were back here.
But as Jim Elliot said, "Wherever you are, be all there." May this season of your life, there in the faraway land, achieve its purpose of enhancing your heart and your soul. Good thing that God is not confined in the tiny spaces such as geographical boundaries. He is as close to you there as He is when you are here. :)

Rudy said...

Oh I'd rather my life be be boring than unpredictable. At my age, surprises --- especially unwelcome ones --- can be quite stressful. :-)

tutubi philippines said...

ang ganda naman ng place mo dyan...picture perfect

ipanema said...

hmmmm...i smell something. Look for work na lang dyan. It sounds like you've immersed yourself in the English life. Difficult to decide na ba? :)

Abaniko said...

If you settle there, you're not Gypsy anymore. Sige ka. :)

Leah said...

I cant wait for spring either. Our winter here seem to be taking so long, its dreadful.

Love the lavenders, they smell lovely, dont they.

Aha, maybe you can settle there. Dont listen to Abaniko.

Gypsy said...

Mareng Verns,
Don't stay too long? Hmm...would like to say yes, but as we say--nothing in life is clear cut..;) Hehe..pa-mysteriosa epek...

Toe,
I once talked to a wife of a consul who "jumped around" different countries in 3 to 4 year terms and she described coming back as "one shoe is size 5, while the other is size 6..!" Sounds apt, dont you think?

Wil,
Buti nga two lang--some people have three to four countries in mind/heart!!

Beng,
Thanks for those encouraging words! But that Jim Elliot quote is not too hard for Extroverts like me to follow--and sometimes, it becomes a bit of a problem..!

Rudy,
Haha! Well, EB-ing with bloggers can be quite unpredictable, too but that doesnt seem to scare you off..! ;) I could've been a serial killer!

Tutubi, thanks!! :)

Ipanema,
you just smell me--being my usual self..hehe..being a gypsy, that is, neither here nor there...

Abaniko,
Weeelll....that just means I can gallivant around Europe...:P

Leah,
Haha! Don't worry, I wont listen to him! Speaking of lavenders, I just went to a place where lavenders are grown, but they were not in bloom yet--will have to wait til summer!

Rudy said...

Well if all serial killers are like you, then this world would be a better place to live in... :-)

Annamanila said...

I can see its spring time in your inner world too. You're saying you feel connected to home and would be happy to go hom but you have also connected with where you are and who you're with and wouldn't mind staying. :)

A feel good post, written in springy (galing-galing) fashion.

Annamanila said...

Ambiguity, even contradiction, is the human lot. We cannot expect to be consistent all the time or even just most of the time. That is why the word "but" (ngunit, subalit, datapwa) is a worn-out conjunction. As in: "I wanna go home BUT this place is beginning to feel like home?" And home is where the heart is? :)