The Case of the Missing Links*

Is there a virtual yellow sticker tape that can be draped across this blog for the meantime while the investigation is going on? The crime being the Gypsy, in a moment of confusion, accidentally deleted the links from this blog while attempting to install a stat counter.

Initial findings show that the crime happened on October 25, between 2200-2315, Manila time. It has been determined that the links in question have been lost forever in oblivion, in the cyber black hole where all the deleted spams, email chain letters and letters from exes are forever sucked in---never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, sincere apologies are extended to the people behind the deleted links. If you can write a 500-word essay, double-spaced, explaining the benefits of your link to the cyberworld where the Gypsy is living, she will very much gladly link you back (The essay, of course, is a joke. You may write a poem instead. Or treat the Gypsy, or the policewoman, to a cup of coffee or a bar of chocolates, respectively).

*This police report written and authenticated by SPO1 Beng

(Please bear with this blog while the reconstruction---links, template, widgets---is ongoing. )

From ADHD Bees to Rafa

It took literally one whole day for me to get from Chiangmai to Manila but having gotten home after two back to back flights, none of which is the most comfortable in the world, I am not too obviously tired (will see later when my head hits the pillow)—my mind continues to buzz like a busy bee and it flits from one subject to another as only an ADHD bee would.

It feels like ages since I was home—having started travelling at the beginning of October to Mindanao and ending it with about a week in Chiangmai. The diversity of faces, events and the variety of experiences, beds, food, morning rituals and conversations push and shove their way to the forefront of my thoughts, trying to grab my undivided attention—but to no avail.

What is forming before me as I try to process the past three weeks—is a monster of a to-do list: of resolutions, of projects and other to-do’s. This doesn’t include the to-do list I had already come up with after coming back from the UK.

On top of this is a pile of work that needs to be finished or followed up which I left behind at the end of September.

Theoretically, I hate the idea of busy-ness and so wish in my heart of hearts that life be less frantic, less toxic; more an amble rather than a sprint but hey, reality in this day and age seems to disagree.

The thing is, I did say theoretically—meaning, I have yet to experience a lifestyle that requires only ambling. Who’s to say I would actually prefer it? Would I end up climbing walls and go numb with boredom? Or would I bask in it and gleefully stop and smell every flower along the way?

A matter of conjecture at this point.

I wonder when it will be tested and proven--or disproved.

****

On a different note, coming home also meant catching up on what I’ve missed of the Madrid Masters. Weird. The last time I was interested in tennis was during Pete Sampras’ heyday and even then, hadn’t been a real follower. Until this year’s Wimbledon and I am converted for real. Thanks mostly to the Rafa-Roger phenomenal rivalry which has all the ingredients of a great drama. But aside from that, what fascinated me all the more are the different personalities that make up the tennis world and the fact that most players, though they may brutally demolish each other on court, can be such humble gentlemen off court. Exhibit A is Andy Murray’s humble pronouncements after beating THE Roger Federer (making his head to head record against Roger 3-2) and going on to win the championship—no chest-beating a la Usain Bolt in tennis, which is nice to see.

Anyway, I am happy to find out that a certain Spanish tennis player will still be able to maintain the number one spot by the end of the year. Too bad he lost at the semis to Gilles Simon but as always, he takes losing like the class act that he is. If at all possible, I hope that next year, this charismatic yet humble, well-brought-up young man will be able to top the fantastic 2008 year that he had—and deserved. But hey, the year’s not over yet, there’s still Paris, Shanghai and Davis Cup! Weee! Vamos Rafa!

Never Too Old...

I got sick recently. With the number of bienvenida meals I ate my way through when I visited Davao, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my tummy went on a gastric strike! So there I was on my last day home in Davao, horizontal and having to cancel three more bienvenida eat outs, and the all-important date with my favorite hairdresser.

The gastric pains woke me up in the wee hours and had me groping in the darkness of my mom’s house for the medicine box where different meds where neatly labeled and contained in different plastic packets. As I chewed on an antacid and got back to bed, I had to resist the temptation to crawl into bed with my mom---and wake her up to tell her I was sick.

I wondered about that.

Having already taken an antacid, what was the point of waking my mom up? What did I expect her to do anyway? She ain’t no doctor—-neither is she a miracle worker.

Late that morning, my stomach still thumping painfully on all sides, I moaned to my mom, “I’m sick. I just took an antacid.” She looked at me and said, “Oh, okey.” I felt a bit let down—and then I thought, what did I expect? I already told her I took an antacid, so that means it is being taken care of, doesn’t it?

I have been sick many times, and usually there was no mom around since I’ve been away from home most of my life. I’ve coped with it well enough and only very occasionally with self-pity.

Yet the mere fact that mom was nearby seemed to change my whole psyche—and I guess for someone my age—(shhh..don’t ask!)it is as surprising as it is strange! I was going to say pathetic, but I don’t see how wishing for a mother’s TLC could be pathetic. Come to think of it, it's probably one of the most natural things in the world, now having said that—I guess the other times when I have coped easily without crying out for my mom must probably be the more strange and surprising thing!

For the record, my mom didn’t fuss over me, she never does, all she did was nod to affirm that I did the right thing by taking an antacid. I guess that was all I needed. I guess what mattered most to me then was her presence. It was enough to help ease some of the pain—even if it is more psychologically than actually.

What power a mother holds. Come to think of it, moms are miracle workers in their own way!

**Sorry blogpals for being amiss in going about my blog rounds...been travelling again and internet availability is intermittent..I wrote this one yesterday, during a mind-numbing, wifi-less, seven-hour wait at an airport...

What A Difference A Year Makes

One year. Exactly. That’s how long I was in the UK. At this day and age of serial movies shown in yearly installments, a year can b a very short span of time. But it can be a long time as well, like when you watch how babies go from sleeping to crawling to talking. A year is also enough for me to enjoy certain experiences I would never have had if I stayed in the Philippines.

Even after being back for the last three weeks, I can still see myself in my mind’s eye running down the college corridor, chatting with my friends in the student kitchen, walking down the streets and feeling the chill in the air. These were routine stuff I did in one year, but there was also the one year’s worth of experiences—loads of them:

--like missing the train, twice.
--like getting locked in twice and locked out once.
--like trying my hand at cricket
--like trying my foot at football
--like obsessing about tennis
--like watching the whole FIFA season with an amazingly diverse crowd of nationalities in one year (most of which find them cheering for their own countries from the TV room)
--like successfully teaching my African classmates how to cook rice from a pot without burning it.
--like watching a whole game of rugby (icky)
--like whipping up a five-course dinner on my birthday (I never thought I could do that!)
--like picking up a bit of the Irish accent.
--like getting snowbound in winter and missing my flight.
--like developing deep and hopefully lasting friendships that will have to be maintained through skype or SMS.

..the list goes on.

But those are about me. Coming back, I realized that a lot of good and bad things have happened to friends and loved ones.

--like a worrying number of friends or their loved ones diagnosed with cancer, with a few having passed away after a short bout of chemo;
--like colleagues who have celebrated new life
--like colleagues who have left their jobs
--like friends who celebrated milestones
--like friends who have enjoyed new additions in their families through adoption
--like friends who have fallen in love
--and some who have gotten married.
--like some who have moved away
--like neighbors who have returned.

…the list goes on.

Thankfully, some things remain the same, like good friends, good food, and good ol’ Manila--still as noisy, as riotous, as fun, as crowded, as dirty, as in-your-face as ever.

All this in a year.

I still can’t quite make up my mind if it is too short or too long. Can you?

Frustrated to the Nth Degree

I STILL DO NOT HAVE INTERNET CONNECTION.

Grrr.....

Of Tears and Goodbyes

I must be getting old.

I read a goodbye card today from a good friend and was surprised at the tears that suddenly sprung up! It has been ages since I cried saying goodbye. The last time I did, I distinctly remembered it, simply because it seldom happens to me. This is not to say that I have a heart of stone—though I have been (unfairly, though teasingly) accused at times by people who don’t really know me. I guess the reason why I don’t break down into tears whenever I say goodbye is because…hmmm….come to think of it, I also don’t know why exactly. The reason must be hidden deep in the inner recesses of the subconscious. But just because I am hard put to think of a reason doesn’t mean I don’t know what the reasons are not.

Not crying my goodbyes doesn’t mean:

--I can’t wait to get away from this person/place.

--I don’t value the friendship and the time spent with this person/place.

--I am cold and unfeeling.

--I only have shallow, inconsequential relationships where goodbyes have no impact.

--my heart is not right.

--I have no tear ducts.

--I have some deep psychological issues about attachments.

--I don’t need anyone.

--I am impatient to move on (which some of you might have an impression of after this post).

--I don’t care enough.

Well, I guess that’s enough negatives for one post. Anyway, it seems things have changed. Age supposedly does that to you. Well, the fact that I have to stretch my hand out further just to read something clearly should prove the age theory. Figuratively, this might be true as well for goodbyes—the further a memory gets, the clearer it might become.

Go figure.

SO VERY VERY PROUD!!!

I am posting this with a stupid grin on my face which I cannot, for the life of me, wipe off. This is because of three important things:

First, I FINISHED MY DISSERTATION--every single one of the 18,000 words has been spelled out (correctly, I hope) and typed in. Now I can slowly get myself out of the landslide of books that I have been buried under. The thing is I have yet to give it to my supervisor for a final look through but since he has been looking at bits and pieces of it over the past couple of months, my guess is that it shouldn't take too much tweaking. (fingers crossed).

Secondly, I AM A PROUD IRISH AUNT!! My closest friends here are a young Irish couple. Husband Mark woke me up at 6:30 this morning with a call to say that Rachel has given birth to a bouncing baby boy at 530am, more than a week ahead of schedule! Ohhhh...I am so unbelievably chuffed and so deeply touched that I was one of the first to be informed...how I sooo wish I can just hop on a plane to Belfast and see my Irish nephew in person. I'm sure he will look like me, what with amount of Chinese food his mom has been eating with me this past year!

Thirdly, and this is actually not my achievement. Rafa Nadal is the world's no. 1!! Yes, after that historic 5-hour match at Wimbledon this year, I have become a bonafide fan of this 22-year-old tennis wonder from Spain. French Open champion four times in a row, then Wimbledon (beating the mighty Federer on grass) and an Olympic Gold. "Wow" is an understatement, si?

Okey, so I am slowly coming back...but this last week will be a whirlwind of tying up loose ends, saying goodbye, sorting, packing and all the "regular" stuff a gypsy's gotta do--will squeeze time to slowly get back to the blog community and visit all of you soon, thank you so so much for your comments and visits even when I have not been coming over to your place these past months. Appreciate you all very much!

Just a Wee Distraction...

It is cloudy and raining outside…the usual, unpredictable British summer. The college corridors and halls are empty of the usual hustle and bustle of students rushing to classes or pulling tricks on each other. I am holed up in the library, trying to focus on my dissertation but really, looking for some distraction.

During term time, it was so easy to get distracted, what with nosey students plopping into a seat beside you and offering food or just "good banter," as the Brits would say. I thought to myself then how much work I could do when I have no more distractions. Now with the rain outside, there is no sun to lure me out—there goes another distraction. How ideal is this to settle down and get some work done!

Hah. Famous last words.

And now, having made myself a cup of tea, and having chatted with a friend back home who happens to be on line, I need to settle down and work and what do I do? Blog!! Oh well, the spirit is willing but the flesh is--otherwise!

Hauling myself into the library was suppose to get me all disciplined and productive but in the end, whatever I do won't get me working---I will just have to simply force myself to do it. As Nike wisely adviced, “Just do it!”

Right, okey, will do!!

Until the next distraction...;-)

Help. Can my 18,000-word dissertation just write itself?

PS. Still on my so-called leave. This is just a--er--distraction. So I will still be scarce in the blogosphere.

Cheers, mates!

On Temporary Leave

Excuse me, folks, I don't think I have much good will and cheer to spread around these days. But instead of coming up with a whine list (and I could give you a really long one!), I will just go off line...for now, and besides I have gazillion-word essays to write, so....pray for me!!

I wonder what I ate that day I decided to go back to school?!

Oh well, will miss bloghopping for now.

******
Let me just leave you with this verse from the Bible I read this morning:

"The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you.
He will quiet you with His love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

May this truth manifest itself in your life.

*******

Cheerio!

God Will Lift Up Your Head

by Jars of Clay

"But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill."
- Psalms 3:3-4



Give to the wind your fear
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head

Chorus:
God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
God will lift up your head
Lift up your head

Leave to His sovereign sway
To choose and to command
Then shall we wandering on His way
Know how wise and how strong
How wise and how strong

Chorus

Through waves and clouds and storms,
He gently clears the way
Wait because in His time, so shall this night
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy

(3X)
God will lift up your head
Soon end in joy

(3X)
God will lift up your head
Soon end in joy

Jack's Back!

Oh Joy!!

Disappointment over.

I just stumbled on a trailer of 24's season 7! Apparently it came out late last year--and I missed it. Oh well, better late than never. Can't wait to start another adrenaline-rushed couch potato adventure! Weeeee!



===
...and speaking of disappointments, Blogpal Swipe comments:

"No 24 this year though due to the writers' strike. sigh..."

Oh, well...life's not too good these days it seems. *sniff*

Tara Na!

You know how it feels when you anticipate something and then it doesn’t happen? Yeah, disappointment is not the best feeling in the world. Sometimes, it may just be a small twinge that gets you all self-deprecatory, “See? Told you so—it won’t really happen...” And that’s fine, a day out with friends would easily erase the feeling—without even having it mentioned out loud.

And then there are the more crushing ones that could literally make you feel heartsick, or angry or sad. Those ones need more than just a pep talk from friends—for some, it would take more than a hug, or even a good cry. This is something not easily erased.

The strange thing is—what could trigger deep disappointment in one and just an “oh, well…” reaction from another could be almost the same thing. Not all the time, of course but on certain occasions anyway.

It all depends I guess, on how high you set your expectations, or how many disappointments you’ve already been through in life (some only have a diploma in disappointments while others have Ph.D's!).

Whichever the case maybe, the whole point I guess is when one starts moving on from that disappointment. And yes, the key thing is “when” not “if.” What a wasted life it would be if one decides to wallow in it or build a home on top of it. Yes, analyze it if you must, philosophize about it (like what I'm doing now), deal with it, cry over it—and if the disappointment redeems itself at some point, great--but for now, we’ve got to move on.

I have always loved the phrase moving on—in almost all areas of life, most especially in the area of disappointments. Because moving on means giving yourself the chance to heal, to hope again, to grow, to discover better things and to journey on.

So, if you are disappointed, just like I am today—what are you waiting for? Let’s go! Let’s get a move on! Or as we say in Filipino, “Tara na!”

The Voice of Our Own Gladness

“The voice we should listen to most
as we choose a vocation
is the voice that we might think
we should listen to least,
and that is the voice of our own gladness.
What can we do that makes us the gladdest,
what can we do that leaves us
with the strongest sense of sailing true north and of peace,
which is much of what gladness is?
Is it making things with our hands out of wood
or stone or paint or canvas?
Or is it making something we hope like truth out of words?
Or is it making people laugh or weep
in a way that cleanses their spirit?
I believe that if it is a thing that makes us truly glad,
then it is a good thing and it is our thing
and it is the calling voice that
we were made to answer with our lives.”

by Frederick Buechner,
quoted by Ken Gire
in "Windows of the Soul"

"Seize" the Unexpected

Just when I thought I could stow away my hoodies and my jumpers and put on my summery short-sleeved tops…
Just when I thought I would trade my comfy thick slippers with flip flops…
Just when I thought I should set the heater aside and get myself a pair of sunglasses…
Just when I thought I could start studying al fresco instead of the warm comfort of my room…

===
I woke up with a start at 5:30 in the morning and saw a narrow sliver of dim amber colored light between my thick curtains. I burrowed my head back into the pillow but then looked back again at that familiar looking amber light and sensed how still it was. Saw I snuck out of bed, tip-toed and looked out my window but couldn’t see much through the condensation but had an impression of ghostly white shapes. My curiosity peaked and I went out to the corridor and looked through the half open window…and my hunch was right: snow had fallen.

As glad as I was for another chance to crunch on snow, I couldn’t help but wonder on how capricious the British weather can be. The past couple of weeks, you would think that we set our clocks forward one hour to welcome summer instead of spring. The past couple of weeks, we were playing in the sun and eating our dinner picnic-style under the bright evening sky.

And then…suddenly spring/summer gets interrupted by a winter that seems to be making up (with much embarrassment, I am sure) for its weak showing during its scheduled season.

You can gauge its embarrassment by its timid showing of hardly a foot of snow dusting all surfaces except the pavements and roads…and how quickly it melted away by noon.

Leaving not a few disappointed folks who decided to sleep in on a Sunday.

But then who knows, it might decide to keep its promise to show up again tomorrow and the next day as the weather stations predict. If one is to gauge from the way the temperature has again gone all the way down and the heating’s back in full blast, then maybe we will see another white and wonderful world (limited edition) tomorrow?

===

But for now, I leave my flip-flops within reach…
I put back on three layers of warm clothes…
I continue to study in the warm comfort of my room…
And enjoy this temporary time warp.

Whatever the case maybe, it pays to be flexible and enjoy the day as it comes.

Carpe Diem (with or without snow)!

Have You Ever...?

Facebook has this game called “Have you ever…” and after you answered whatever question is asked of you with a Yes or a No, you see the results on the following page accompanied by another question—and if I am going to base my sense of uniqueness on this test, then I’d probably fall flat on my face!

Imagine being asked,
“Have you ever licked the bottom of your shoe?”
…or “Have you ever eaten gum off the ground?”
…or “Have you ever been licked by a cow?”
…or “Have you ever swam with a crocodile?”

Hmm…

Naturally, the resulting percentage of people who actually said “yes” to the above questions are at a minimum. But the fact that they are not less than 8% makes me wonder about them. These are obviously some of the most interesting people on planet Facebook. I would say none of them would be people I know since I have a sneaking suspicion my friends are interesting but not in a “I-licked-the-bottom-of-my-shoe” kind of way.

Though some questions need qualification---like for example,
“Have you ever intentionally killed an animal?”
…well! A mouse does come under the animal category, right?

And then there are the questions that you don’t want to be caught dead saying yes to, like:
“Have you ever pretended losing your wallet so you don’t have to pay for a meal?"
Of course, I would say no (especially since this is on Facebook which would then eventually publish your answers) and I promise you, I am being TRUTHFUL in this occasion…

While some of them would constitute real abnormality if you say no to them, like
“Have you ever felt like dropping everything and escaping from everyone?”
…or “Have you ever felt alone in a roomful of people?”
…or “Have you ever missed someone that you actually felt the pain?”
…or “Have you ever wished you could turn back time?”
…or “Have you ever pretended that everything was alright when it wasn’t?”
…or “Have you ever been so confused that you didn’t know what to do?”

I am relieved that in these instances, I am actually with the majority--that is, I am normal!

But how about “Have you ever wished you were someone else?”
…hmm, what if I did wish this, even just for a rare second, when I chanced on a photo of a sparkling and sunny Kate Hudson? I’d venture to say that this still means I’m normal!

But then again, I was not asked certain questions that would show that even if I have never swam with a dolphin or gotten married in Las Vegas or been to Paris or Egypt, I still could say that I had some pretty exciting times.

Oh well, I guess one person’s excitement could be another’s “Yikes-I-wouldn’t-do-that-even-if-I-were-paid-a-million-bucks…” situation.

Whatever. At least I am over my “I-wish-I-was-Kate-Hudson” moment. I’m back to being happy with myself!

So what have you ever done that would put you on the normal-but-special category?

This Thing Called "Age"

Age.

There’s no neutrality in this word.
No indifference.
No middle ground.
Either you hate it or you embrace it.
Even putting down your age in
innocent-looking official forms
is not neutral
--it can either open windows or close doors.

Age can limit a person,
Or become a passport to freedom.

It can gain one credibility,
Or it can make one a lightweight.

It can be a source of contention,
Or be the tie that binds.

It can make one sophisticated
Or soaking wet behind the ears.

It can be covered up with a lie,
Or declared out loud with pride.

It can make one reckless and brave,
Or scare one witless.

It can prove a point,
Or disprove some prejudice.

It can be a subject of ridicule,
Or trigger an amazed gasp.

It can be a goldmine for jokes
Or a can of worms.

It can be embraced eagerly,
Or fought against tooth and nail.

It can be a rude shock
Or a pleasant surprise.

What of you,
what do you think of age?

Whatever you think of it,
this is just to let you know: it’s my birthday
(says the attention-deficient blogger)

So, I guess you know where I stand
in the emotional pendulum on this subject matter.

This Day in Paradise

This day in Paradise
new feet are treading through
high halls of gold

This day in Paradise
new legs are striding over jewelled fields in which
the diamond
is considered ordinary.

This day in Paradise
new eyes have glimpsed the deep fire ready
to flame the stale earth pure.

This day in Paradise
new blood, the rose-red juice that gushed at Golgotha
now ripples and races down the pure veins
of a recently arrived beloved.

This day in Paradise
a new heart pounds in praise
a new body, shaped by sacrifice.

This day in Paradise
the daunting dart of death
has no point
no place
and no meaning.
And whilst we mourn and weep
through these human hours
this day in Paradise
the blazing embrace
between Saviour and Son,
goes on, and on, and on.

- By Stewart Henderson in A Giant's Scrapbook.

A Reassuring Vision

Sharing with you one of my favorite stain glass images...something to reflect on for Lent, maybe?


Click on image to enlarge

Grace Within You

"I fell in love when I was 17…
with God.
A foolish girl with romantic notions
about the life of a religious,
but my love was passionate.

Over the years my feelings have changed.
He’s disappointed me.
Ignored me.
We’ve settled into a life of peaceful indifference.
The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa,
but rarely speak. He knows I’ll never leave Him.
This is my duty.

But when love and duty are one,
then grace is within you."

-The Mother Superior in "The Painted Veil"

I Just Might Strike Twice!

I was tagged gazillions of months ago by Lazarus on "What Type of Weather Are You?" but only just now got around to doing it. The fact that I am suffering from Blogger's Block helps fill the blog silence somehow...(blame it on too much reading assignments!)

So, anyway, here goes:
1. Below is my profile...

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

2. Contradict/Consent to the Result
I was actually quite surprised with the results--makes me out like a really frightening person, after all, who wants to be hit by lightning? But come to think of it, I DO have a temper which I manage to curb most of the time, though not a hundred percent of the time...

3. Share a Practical Weather Tip...
If you are in the Philippines, walking under a light drizzle is nice--but doing the same thing in the UK is NOT a good idea...BRRRR...!

4...and a Life-Giving Weather Quote
I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph.-Ken Kesey

5. Tag 5 people...
Hmm...unlike lightning, I have been too slow in responding to this tag so I wonder if everyone else in my blogroll has done it. Anyway, whoever wants to do it, feel free!!

Thanks for the tag, Lazarus!!