You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee If...(Part One)

You don't sweat, you percolate.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You lick your coffee pot clean.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.

Starbuck's owns the mortgage of your house.

You suck on the used coffee filter and grounds whenever the can rans out of coffee.

You've worn out the handle of your coffee mug.

You slip into a coma if you drink decaf by accident.

Your birthday is the national day of Colombia.

You go to the doctor because your afraid there might be blood in your coffee stream.

You have coffee-scented air freshners, soap, deodorants an colognes.

All your kids are named Joe.

Instant coffee takes too long.

People can test batteries in your ears.

People get dizzy just watching you.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator just to take your pulse.

The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake.

If someone asks you how you are, you say "Good to the last drop."

The Energizer bunny thinks you should calm down.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using a timer.

You can type sixty words per minute using your feet.

You can't even remember your second cup.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

You chew on other people's fingernails.